Overview
“Grief is love not wanting to let go.”
When children are grieving a death by suicide, they need the caring adults around them to help them find their way through Wordon’s tasks of mourning:
Task #1: Accept the Reality of the Loss
Task #2: Process the Pain of the Grief
Task #3: Adjust to a World without the Deceased
Task #4: Move on to an Enduring Connection While Embarking on a New Life
In this podcast, I interview Barbara Rubel, author of But I Didn’t Say Goodbye: Helping Families After a Suicide. We walk through specific strategies families and other caring adults can use to support kids bereaved by suicide across many developmental ages.
About Barbara Rubel
Three weeks prior to Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS, DAAETS, giving birth to triplets, her father died by suicide. Her story was featured in an Emmy award winning documentary, Fatal Mistakes. Barbara is a sought-after keynote speaker who has dedicated her life work to supporting suicide loss survivors and educating professionals about suicide postvention and vicarious trauma. As an author and speaker, she brings a deep understanding of thanatology and personal resilience to her work. Her list of clients span more than 500 organizations. Barbara is a consultant with the U.S. Dept. of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime Training and Technical Assistance Center (OVCTTAC) and co-wrote its training curriculum, Compassion Fatigue/Vicarious Trauma. She received a bachelor of science degree in psychology and a master of arts degree in community health, with a concentration in thanatology, both from Brooklyn College. She is a board-certified expert in traumatic stress, and a diplomate with the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress.
Show Notes
Barbara Rubel’s Information
E-Mail: BarbaraRubel@BarbaraRubel.com
Website: www.barbararubel.com
Featured in the Emmy Award Winning Video: Fatal Mistakes: Families shattered by suicide, (1998), Mariette Hartley, Kingsley Productions, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Featured in Living with Trauma Video, (2015). Ocean Mental Health Services.
Publications: https://www.griefworkcenter.com/publications/
Rubel, B. (2015). Loss, Grief, and Bereavement: Helping individuals cope. (4th ed.). SC Publishing, Western Schools, www.westernschools.com.
Grief, Storytelling and Rituals
Factors the Influence Grief: http://www.healthcare-information-guide.com/factors-that-influence-grief.html
Storytelling Course: “Am I Ready?”: https://unitesurvivors.org/online-education/
Rituals and Grief: http://sallyspencerthomas.blogspot.com/2011/04/on-power-of-ritual-to-make-meaning-for.html
Training Curriculum
Rubel, B. and McCown, A. (2014). Compassion Fatigue: Vicarious Trauma, (2nd ed.) U.S. Department of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime (OVCTTAC).
Book Chapters (Contributing Writer)
Rubel, B. (2015). The FABULOUS Principle©: What Woman Entrepreneurs Know About Loss and Triumph). In J. Herrmann (Ed). Keys to a Good Life: Wisdom to unlock your power within. http://www.amazon.com/KEYS-GOOD-LIFE-Wisdom-Unlock/dp/0989723216/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1452123798&sr=1-1&keywords=keys+to+a+good+life
Rubel, B. (2015). Barbara Rubel Primary Colors Coaching Color Blend. (75-81). In D.L. Billings (Ed). Coaching for Results: Expert advice from 25 international coaches. http://www.slideshare.net/NadjaTalpaert/coaching-for-results-book-54162024
Rubel, B. (2014). Pathways to Purpose and Hope: A guide for creating a sustainable grief support organization for families and friends after a suicide death. Friends for Survival. www.friendsforsurvival.org
Rubel, B. (2013). Celebrating the Birth of Triplets While Mourning Dad’s Suicide. (p. 18-21). In G. Horsley and H. Horsley. (Eds.). Fresh Grief: Inspirational Stories from Opentohope.com Open to Hope Publishers http://www.amazon.com/Fresh-Grief-Inspirational-Stories-ebook/dp/B00BBF23EY/ref=sr_1_3
Rubel, B. (2010). It Was Not Exactly What I Expected, In Thin Threads: Grief and Renewal. (p. 45-49). Kiwi Publishing http://www.amazon.com/Thin-Thread-Stories--Grief-Renewal/dp/1935768026/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403624705&sr=1-2&keywords=Thin+Threads%3A+Grief+and+Renewal
Postvention Resources
After a Suicide: A Toolkit for Schools (2nd ed.): https://afsp.org/our-work/education/after-a-suicide-a-toolkit-for-schools/
After a Suicide: A Postvention Primer for Providers: lifegard.tripod.com/After_a_Suicide.pdf
After a Suicide: Religious Services: https://theactionalliance.org/faith-hope-life/after-suicide-recommendations-religious-services-and-other-public-memorial-observances
A Guide for Medical Examiners and Coroners: Best Practices for Talking with Families About Suicide https://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/a0415f_3160611bae3f4be69c8e86b1ec7ed4ce.pdf
Alex Blackwood Foundation for Hope (Camp Alex): alexblackwood.com
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors: allianceofhope.org
American Academy of Bereavement: thebereavementacademy.com
American Association of Suicidology (AAS): suicidology.org
AAS-Helping Survivors of Suicide: What Can You Do? https://www.preventionlane.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Hepling-Survivors-of-Suicide_What-Can-You-Do.pdf
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP): afsp.org
AFSP-Children, Teens and Suicide Loss: https://afsp.org/wp-content/flipbooks/childrenteenssuicideloss/?page=1
AFSP-Healing Conversations: Personal Support for Survivors of Suicide Loss: afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/healing-conversations/
Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC): The Thanatology Association: adec.org
Befrienders Worldwide: befrienders.org/
Best Practices for Talking About Suicide for Medical Examiners and Coroners: https://www.mecrecs.org/
Breaking the Silence in the Workplace: http://www.sprc.org/sites/default/files/migrate/library/Breaking%20the%20Silence%20Final.pdf
California Institute for Behavioral Health Solutions: After Rural Suicide: A Guide for Coordinated Community Postvention Response: https://www.cibhs.org/sites/main/files/file-attachments/after_rural_suicide_guide_2016rev.pdf
Camp Kita: Children’s Bereavement Camp for Suicide Loss Survivors: https://campkita.com/
The Catholic Charities: Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide: https://www.catholiccharities.net/GetHelp/OurServices/Counseling/Loss.aspx
The Center for Complicated Grief: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/professionals/complicated-grief professionals/overview/
Center for Grief and Loss: griefloss.org/
Center for Suicide Awareness: https://www.centerforsuicideawareness.org/
Centering Corporation: centering.org/
Clinicians as Survivors: After a Suicide Loss: /pages.iu.edu/~jmcintos/basicinfo.htm
Comfort Zone Camp: https://www.comfortzonecamp.org/
Compassion Books: www.compassionbooks.com
Compassionate Friends: Surviving Your Child’s Suicide: https://www.compassionatefriends.org/surviving-childs-suicide/
Cope Foundation: copefoundation.org/
Davenee Foundation: daveneefoundation.org/
Digital Memorial Quilts: afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/digital-memory-quilt/create-a-new-quilt-square/
The Dougy Center: National Center for Grieving Children and Families: dougy.org/
Emma’s Place of Staten Island: www.emmasplacesi.com/
Find a Suicide Loss Survivors Support Group: afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/find-a-support-group/
Friends for Survival: Offering Help After a Suicide Death: friendsforsurvival.org/
The Gift of Second: http://thegiftofsecond.com/
The Glendon Association: glendon.org/
Heartbeat: https://www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org/
Help at Hand: A Guide for Funeral Directors: http://www.sprc.org/sites/default/files/migrate/library/funeraldirectors.pdf
Hope Squad: hopesquad.com/postvention/
How to Talk to Kids About Suicide: https://drrobynsilverman.com/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-suicide-with-dr-dan-reidenberg/
International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP): info/postvention.php
International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies: ISTSS.org
The Jason Foundation: www.jasonfoundation.com
The JED Foundation: jedfoundation.org/
The Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center: copewithgrief.org
Lifesavers Blog-AFSP: https://afsp.org/lifesaver-blog/
LOSS Team: lossteam.com/
A Manager’s Guide to Suicide Postvention in the Workplace: suicidology.org/Portals/14/docs/Survivors/Loss%20Survivors/Managers-Guidebook-To-Suicide-Postvention.pdf
Mental Health America: mentalhealthamerica.net/
Moyer Foundation (Camp Erin): moyerfoundation.org
National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention: Recommended Standard Care for People with Suicide Risk: Making Health Care Suicide Safe: actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/sites/actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/files/Action%20Alliance%20Recommended%20Standard%20Care%20FINAL.pdf
National Alliance for Grieving Children: childrengrieve.org/
National Alliance on Mental Illness: nami.org/
National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN): nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/traumatic-grief
NASPA Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education, Postvention: A guide for response to suicide on college campuses https://www.naspa.org/focus-areas/mental-health/postvention-a-guide-for-response-to-suicide-on-college-campuses
National Organization for Victim Assistance: trynova.org
National Center for Victims of Crime: victimsofcrime.org/
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7, Free and Confidential Support: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); for Hard of Hearing 1-800-799-4889; en Español 1-888-628-9454 suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Lifeline Online Postvention Manual http://www.sprc.org/sites/default/files/migrate/library/LifelineOnlinePostventionManual.pdf
Open to Hope: opentohope.com/
Our Side of Suicide: http://www.oursideofsuicide.com/
Parents of Suicides/Friends & Families of Suicides: pos-ffos.com/
Pastoral Postvention:
https://theactionalliance.org/sites/default/files/fhl_competencies_v8_interactive.pdf
Posttraumatic Growth Research Group: ptgi.uncc.edu/
The Public Health Approach to Prevention
QPR Institute for Suicide Prevention: courses.qprinstitute.com/
Reach Out.com: ie.reachout.com/loss-and-grief/supporting-a-friend-after-someone-dies-from-suicide/
Riverside Trauma Center: http://traumacenter.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Postventionguidelines.pdf
SAFE-T Pocket Guides for Clinicians:
The Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/
NYC: samaritansnyc.org/ MA: samaritanshope.org/
Sibling Survivors of Suicide Loss: siblingsurvivors.com/
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: www.samhsa.gov/
Suicide Attempt Survivors Task Force of the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention: actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/sites/actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/files/The-Way-Forward-Final-2014-07-01.pdf
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE): save.org
Suicide: Finding Hope: suicidefindinghope.com/
Suicide Grief Support Forum: suicidegrief.com/
Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC): sprc.org
SPRC Toolkit for Schools http://www.sprc.org/resources-programs/after-suicide-toolkit-schools
Suicide Safety Plan: suicidesafetyplan.com
Support After a Suicide: supportaftersuicide.org.au/
Surviving After a Suicide Loss Blog: https://survivingafterasuicide.com/blog/
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS): https://www.taps.org/suicidepostvention
Trauma Institute & Child Trauma Institute: childtrauma.com/
Trevor Project (LGBTQ): thetrevorproject.org/
United Suicide Survivors International: https://unitesurvivors.org/
Violent Death Bereavement Society: vdbs.org/html/director.html
Yellow Ribbon: yellowribbon.org/
Zero Suicide in Health and Behavioral Health Care Toolkit: zerosuicide.sprc.org/toolkit
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